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Internally, the male and female partsof our bodies and minds are constantly fighting so we never get thatinner peace called contentment.Some of us suppress our need so strongly that we tell the world that weare not transgendered. Yet, we feel a need to crossdress. Some of us mayneed to have someone else tell us, or even force us to crossdress.We hide in other ways, too. Some hide with death. I am proud of thosewho have kept their promise to me not to commit suicide. One recentlyasked me to release her from that promise. I had to tell her only if shehad a medical condition that warrants "Do Not Resuscitate." We mightalso do self harm, a "minor" form of suicide. I have heard of some of usthat cut off their testicles, or tried to. Some of us hide by havingunsafe sex resulting in gonorrhea, syphilis, or AIDS. In other words: aslow form of suicide.Or we hide behind drugs. Hopefully those of us that go that route end upin Alcoholics Anonymous, Synanon or other treatment centers. She could barely breathe. ‘My…my God!’ she thought. ‘What…what am I going to do? How…how am I going to face him?’ Larry finally came, exploding his juices into a washcloth with a loud moan. When he was done, he stood up, wiped himself off, washed his spend out of the washcloth, and started for the door. ‘I better get back to the kitchen before Mrs. Williams wonders where I got to,’ he thought as he turned the door handle. ‘I can’t believe I did what I just did,’ he mused as he pulled the door open and stepped out into the hallway. ‘I bet I haven’t jerked off in ten years.’ He stepped out into the hallway and was shocked to see Mrs. Williams leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. She was flushed and her eyes were wide and hot. He stared at her, unable to move or talk. ‘Holy Shit!’ he thought. ‘Was…was she out here listening to me? Does she know what I just did?’ He felt his face getting hot and wished he could hide somewhere. ‘I…I thought something was…was wrong, so…I…I.
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